Top of Your List
by Befantastic
Summary: Only thing she wanted was to be the One.


**Another addition to my Taylor inspired one shot, only this one is a little autobiographical. I really wanted to use a line from The Last Time,but i thought that it might make the plot a little obvious! Reviews are awesome.**

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_"So causally cruel in the name of being honest."_

_-All __to Well, _Taylor Swift

The night was one that she could never forget. The culmination of everything that she had asked for. The answer she didn't want to hear.

Claire Lyons and Cam Fisher had been somewhat friends for the first half of high school. She wasn't quite sure when she fell for him, but she knew that the weather was cold, and she had been lonely. And when he texted her late on a Thursday night, she knew that he liked her too.

So she started waiting for him after school, and he would open his arms towards her and walk her to her classes. It was comfortable, and she didn't feel any pressure.

"It's just fun Massie, nothing serious. I just like having someone to talk to." Claire would tell her best friend Massie. Although as Valentine's day approached and the pseudo-relationship hit 2 months, Claire began to want something more.

It was creeping at first, like wanting him to hold her hand, to _kiss_ her.

Then she would question everything that he said, wondering if had a deeper meaning. It ate her and she wondered if maybe she had made it all up in her head.

While Claire was terrified of what Cam would say, she knew she had to take the chance.

It was casual, "What are we?" she asked as he drove her home after a basketball game. The car was dark so he couldn't she her hands shake, her eyes clench in anticipation.

She opened her eyes long enough to see him shrug as he made a left turn, "We're definitely more than friends."

_Good, _she thought.

"But to be completely honest Claire, I'm not looking for a relationship. But I do like you, and I don't want to lose that." Cam glanced at her, and Claire flashed her smile, so he could at least see that she wasn't too thrown off.

"Oh okay, that's fine. Just don't drag it out okay?"

"No problem." he said as they approached her home. "I don't want to mess things up with you, I just need time. If things change, you'll be the first to know." Cam leaned over and kissed her. She felt a bit of her fear melt with the touch of his lips.

So Claire lived as what Massie liked to call, 'a girlfriend in training.' She would go to all of Cam's off-season basketball games, and he would kiss her in front of his friends. It was a stark change to what they were before. But yet, they still weren't anything;. He still chatted other girls, and boys were still blind to the fact the she was attached to Cam.

As she prepped for the summer, Claire realized that as the partying and hook-up season kicked-off she still was just the girl that Cam liked. And she knew the temptation would be there, it was inevitable. And if a girl who had as strong of feelings that Claire had could stray, than Cam who had been on the fence for months could easily find interest elsewhere.

Claire once again, in the mist of cleaning lockers and final exams, faced her fear.

"So are we still doing this no name thing? Because I feel like when the summer starts, you'll be here and there at all the parties, and I will be too. And you know how things can get. I just don't want to get hurt." Claire asked a little more boldly than before, after school in a staircase where no one could find them.

"I told you, if something changed, I would tell you Claire. Why are you being like this? I would never want to hurt you, we have been cool since forever." Cam said, his face scrounging up. He crossed his arms and Claire could feel him breaking down. He was pulling away.

So she retreated, "I know I just, want to be clear."

"You have nothing to worry about."

But Claire couldn't help but feel sick. While her friends were partying and meeting cute guys she was stuck in this bubble, not able to swap numbers, because it may send that boy the wrong message. Cam however was doing just fine, if his tweets were any indicator. Girls she never seen before popping up, and their laughing emoji's and 'I love you Cam Cam" replies. Yet he would come over and pretend as if things with them were perfectly intact.

Claire hated how he still treated her like a girl on his leash, even though he tried to be affectionate, it just came off as being possessive, she hated how in his eyes it was okay to like her so much but not be committed to her. She knew he didn't want seriousness, but if his feelings were with her, how could he want anyone else.

And everyone she disclosed this to, told her to give it up, but she believed that there was something to say for what Cam was did doing right. And she had fallen deeper.

The girl decided that the next time she talked to Cam, she would make it clear she didn't want to wait anymore. That he needed to make a real stand on their relationship.

So at Massie's midsummer bash, Claire curled her blonde hair and wore Cam's favorite color, green. She drove all the way over Massie's reciting what to say, when to say it. She walked into the house and could spot him out instantly. But something about this version of Cam was a lot different then what she imagined. His arm was tossed around some girl's shoulder, and her head was fallen into his chest. Whoever was sitting next to him slapped his shoulder and he looked up with such a genuine smile, one that she used to crave to see, one that made her automatically smile, one she hadn't seen in a while. He craned his head to look in the other boy's direction, and then the all to familiar look of fake excitement, false hope.

Nonetheless, Cam shook the girl off of him, and said a few words to her before he walked towards Claire, who had been standing awkwardly in the same place since entering the room.

"Hey!" Cam swooped down to capture her lips, but she turned her head giving him her cheek. "Everything okay?"

"This is not the place to talk about it." Claire felt an internal battle waging inside of her. The fact that he got up, that he noticed something was wrong with her without her saying a thing.

He took her hand and led her out of the living room, "I don't know where to go." He told her.

Claire laughed slightly, it was Massie's house. She knew every odd and end of the home. "Her basement, it's extremely hot in the summer. No one will come down."

He nodded and the worked to the door leading to the basement. Once they made it to the half finished basement, Claire looked at Cam, who seemed to be avoiding her gaze.

"So what happened? Are you alright."

"Nothing happened, but I am not alright"

"Okay Claire, I don't know what to say."

"Not surprised to hear that one." Claire sat down on one of the plush chairs, and sighed heavily. "When I came in here, you know I saw you with that girl. And that didn't bother me too much. It was the face you made that got me."

"What?"

"You were so happy with that girl, and then I came in and you looked so disappointed."

"Oh"

"And I can tell by these one word answers that you just don't care." Claire's eyes started to sting.

"Is this about me caring? I told you, I care, if I ever felt different-"

"You'd tell me. I know you told me. But I have yet to believe that."

Cam looked annoyed, "Well look whose been holding back."

"Look whose crying now!" Claire's eyes had to be red, her carefully applied make-up had to be running at this point. "I went along with this no label thing when I thought it was temporary. But it's gone on long enough. And I hate this."

"You could've said this along time ago."

"You should've realized this Cam. Don't you get it? I like you. A lot. Maybe more than like, but it's killing me. I am done Cam. Done. Tell me you want me, only me or we are done."

"I can't do that Claire."

The answer was pretty blunt, and Claire wiped her tears, the black staining her hand, "How'd I know you'd say that. This was the biggest waste of my time."

"I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to be tied down to you. And lying would piss you off more. So choose."

"Waiting for something that will never happen will just make me look like an idiot."

He looked at her and sighed, "Sorry."

"This sucks." she looked at him. "But I can't do this."

"It was fun."

"Fun? For you maybe but I felt like crap for the last month or so." Claire laughed in disbelief that even as she stood there, in tears, he still acted as though he didn't care. "You know maybe we shouldn't hang out around each other anymore. In fact, I don't want you to speak to me anymore. I just don't want to let you back in again."

"Okay Claire, be dramatic, do what makes you feel better. Make me be a bad guy, but you were apart of this. But if it makes you feel better, do it." Cam looked at her in anger. "You are so needy, it probably would never work."

"Go to hell." The girl left the basement and even in her red flash of anger, she wished he run after her. Silly, and only a reminder of the mental hold the boy had on her. But she knew it would fade with time. Soon, the girl wouldn't care about the boy with black hair and used to make her stomach flutter. Just as the feelings built slowly, it would go away slowly. Only the pain would hurt. But it Cam Fisher was a lesson learned, and Claire would never put her heart on hold again.


End file.
